Over the last few months, since I've moved to the city I've written posts that have been the spark that have burned the house down, so to say. People have been relatively shocked by what I written and what I've written as descriptions for my blogs on Facebook. One thing that I've struggled understanding is why people I don't really know, and don't really know me, seem to think that I'm accountable to them, and will call me out. I actually find this really annoying and to some degree, quite insulting. I'm going to just explain something that not everyone gets. I'm a very private person, but I'm also very talkative. There are things that I don't tell anyone, things that I'll never tell anyone about... and there are also things that I'll only tell people I trust completely and totally. These people have the right to talk into my life about my blind spots and about what I post... I'm not saying that I don't listen to what random people I don't really know, or trust, say to me about various topics, I just bounce what's been said to me past my trusted sources to see what they make of it.
On the topic of me being talkative, I'm an introvert (shock and horror, yes), but I know I can a bit of a chatterbox at time. If my brain is totally working and I'm hanging out with someone who I've clicked with, we'll talk for hours. The normal length for a call on Skype with my best friends usually last a minimum of two hours, and is usually brought to an end because one of us has to leave for work or another appointment (or bed). When I lived in Uganda, sleepovers with one of my closest friends would result in about two or three hours sleep and six or seven hours or nonstop talking. However, the introvert side of me does mean that I'm not the type to go to parties because I'm socially awkward and I struggle knowing what questions are "safe" to ask. I also need time alone to think and process what's happening in the world around me. I'm also a thinker. I think about everything that happens, and I tend to analyse everything that happens. I recharge alone and if I don't get a decent amount of time to recharge I really struggle not becoming short tempered with those around me. Its something I can't help, as its a part of who I am, like being very private about some topics. I'm trying to figure out how to write down how I feel about this, without causing too big a tidal wave.
I've been told that I've built a wall around myself to protect me from hurt. If that were the case I wouldn't be writing my thoughts down here. I'd keep it all to the pages of my various journals. However, this is my way to help you understand how my brain works and even though you might think I get defensive on various topics, the idea isn't to build a wall between you and me, it's also not because I've been hurt and I'm acting out of pain. I just don't appreciate people thinking they've got the right to let me know what they think on various things I've written about or said. I just don't appreciate being "attacked" about what I'm said, because they don't agree with what I've read, by people I don't know... no matter what I say, people still do it. Every time I write a post I wonder what the reaction will be, especially on the fire starting topics, like this one. Though I would prefer being contacted privately via social media or email, rather than having an open discussion in the comments section of the link post on Facebook.
I hope you understand where I'm coming from.
I've been told that I've built a wall around myself to protect me from hurt. If that were the case I wouldn't be writing my thoughts down here. I'd keep it all to the pages of my various journals. However, this is my way to help you understand how my brain works and even though you might think I get defensive on various topics, the idea isn't to build a wall between you and me, it's also not because I've been hurt and I'm acting out of pain. I just don't appreciate people thinking they've got the right to let me know what they think on various things I've written about or said. I just don't appreciate being "attacked" about what I'm said, because they don't agree with what I've read, by people I don't know... no matter what I say, people still do it. Every time I write a post I wonder what the reaction will be, especially on the fire starting topics, like this one. Though I would prefer being contacted privately via social media or email, rather than having an open discussion in the comments section of the link post on Facebook.
I hope you understand where I'm coming from.