A High, A Low, An Honest Post

The path to the forest and the heather fields

Over the last couple of months, I've really struggled writing regularly, especially since I got back from Paris at the beginning of January. I've lost the joy of writing my stories. I know many of you have been wanting to know what's happening in my life, both in the office and with my relationship with God. However, my life has honestly been far more exciting in the past than it is at the moment, in terms of traveling and revelations of who God is. God still speaks to me (there's no doubt about that), in the silence I hear His voice talking to me, but the words I hear are too personal, too private, to share on such a public place as this.

What I will share is this. The journey isn't always easy and I'm still learning so much about who I am, who God is and where everything falls in view of my relationship to God. [This is a metaphor]: there's been places of heavy, tropical rain, and the resulting mud has involved me getting stuck. In this times of being stuck, I've seen more of who God is for me. I grew up in a missionary family, and right up until I left home, I kinda thought and expected that my relationship with God could be towed in the wake of my parents' relationship with God. I had to learn, a number of times, that I too can have a strong relationship with God, that God wants to have a relationship with me. I knew this before I left home, but it was head knowledge, not heart knowledge (from experience, I can tell you that there's a HUGE difference between head knowledge and heart knowledge). I've been a Christian for years... since I was a child (I can still remember giving my life to the Lord when I was 3 years old), but there's a process. A process of learning who I am in God. From this place of wanting to know God and having a deeper relationship with Him, my identity and security has strengthened. Sometimes I do struggle trusting that everything is going to work out, but trust is something I've had issues with for a long time... I'm still working on this.

The view from my new room

I also really miss the vibrancy of city life. Epe, the nearest town, is one of those one street villages (in my eyes its a village, despite being listed as a town), where you're likely to run into someone you know around every corner. Its something I'm not used to. I spent twelve years of my life in a busy capital city, Kampala, which I miss in a crazy way; not the being stared at or insulted based on my skin colour or gender part. I just simply miss the city herself, the noise, the smell, the ability to feel like I was very small in such a large place. Kampala has that typical personality of African craziness. The adventure lying around every corner. Maybe expecting something exciting to happen has become my norm that the normal has come as a shock. I'm an introvert and I love being able to disappear into the city and not see anyone I know (which is far easier to do in London than Kampala). This is one of the reasons why I felt so at home in London, given that London has a population (2014 census) that is 7.33 million larger than Kampala's (2002 census). I don't hold anything against being in the countryside, or living where I do, but it can get very difficult (I discovered recently that I really don't like the smell of fertilizer). City life is a part of my DNA and I believe that my being in Epe, working with Youth With A Mission YWAM, won't be forever (no matter what my pessimistic side seems inclined to think). 

Over the last couple of weeks I've been praying about the next steps to take, in regards to my future and in GO Teams. There have been changes in regards to the locations, but I'll give that an entry all by itself in a couple of days time (do check back here for that). I'm currently volunteering with YWAM Heidebeek, and my time here finishes at the beginning of September. I really hope I don't offend you by choosing not to post my options in this particular post. I'm just waiting for confirmation and insight from some wise people who I trust and from God.

Beautiful Rain

Last night's sunset

It rained again today, and almost constantly. Its something that I'm really grateful about it. I've also been really grateful for the couple of days of absolutely beautiful weather we've had... warm and dry. I've stopped wearing my heavy winter jacket, since its too thick, even for the short journey from Herdershof (my home) to Youth With A Mission YWAM Heidebeek, which takes about five minutes by bike, maybe ten if I take my time. I'm so grateful that spring is coming, even though it means that its the allergy season for most people, which means that there's always a chance that my lungs, eyes and nose might kick up problems... but I'm grateful that I've not had to deal with that now. The days are also getting longer, and the nights shorter. I've been going running more regularly. Yesterday, I went running just before the sun set, and was able to capture the sun sinking below the horizon. I was extremely grateful to be able to see that.

Last night's sunset through the trees

Things really interesting in the office over the last two weeks or so. Bas is getting married soon and had some days off to help Maartje, his fiancée, move, at the same time my parents were here, and they're getting married in a matter of weeks. Carl's wife, Mayke, is pregnant with their third child and is due to deliver anytime soon. So there's a sense of expectancy in the office. We're also picking up pace with the preparation for the GO Teams outreach this summer. We're almost finished with some projects that we're also waiting for answers for (which is why they aren't finished already). We'll need to see how things turn out over the next few weeks.

A few months ago the GO Teams office went to a church about an hour and a half's drive from here. This particular church is planning to send their youth group to Rwanda with us in July and August... they've asked Bas to speak at their youth service, and since Carl is waiting for the baby to arrive, Bas and I will be heading that way to represent the GO Teams department. Its interesting to see how the team is preparing for the outreach and, of course, to answer the host of questions that are most likely to come our way.

Its almost dinner time, so gotta sign off now! Until next time.

Visits And Moves

Caleb and my parents

For a few days last week, I had my parents and younger brother, Caleb, come and visit me at the Herdershof during their short visit from South Africa. They only had about ten days in the Netherlands (with a lot to do and many people to see). The shortness of their trip was down to my brother's short Easter holiday. They spent two days in Paris with Hannah, my sister, and then on Easter Sunday they picked me up from my good friends, Theo and Judith Mos. Before I get carried away with my parents' visit, I'll start with seeing Theo and Judith.

Theo, Judith and me

Easter Weekend

On Good Friday, after a short service at Youth With A Mission YWAM Heidebeek, I traveled to over to Rotterdam to see Theo and Judith for the weekend. Theo and I did our Discipleship Training School DTS together in September 2012. We also went to Brazil on outreach together it was during that outreach that I started calling him one of my best friends and to some degree, my older brother. I flew over from England for his wedding a year and a half ago, having told him that I'd go to his wedding, no matter how far away I was. It's always a lot of fun being with Theo and Judith. They've called me the bringer of holidays, as we always end up taking time off to have fun together doing some crazy stuff (like with the selfie of us all wearing hats). We had a lot of good conversations. Judith is a clarinetist and I got to hear her place on Friday evening, which was incredible. Since my last visit in July 2015 Theo joined a running group and took me with him on Saturday. I happily introduced myself to people, when they asked, as Theo's sort of younger sister. When I was in Rotterdam I also got to see my grandmother. When my father collected me from Theo and Judith's, we made the short journey to the nursing home my grandmother now lives in. She's moved from the assisted living wing to the full care unit and its really hard seeing her the way she is now. After collecting my mum, from some friends, we drove down to Herdershof together. I then spent Sunday evening, Monday and most of Tuesday with my parents, as Caleb didn't arrive until Tuesday evening. He was doing some work experience with some friends of my parents, who they met in Hoedspruit, South Africa.

Caleb and me

My Family At Herdershof!

When my parents were here, we spent a lot of time together talking through a number of different topics and spending quality time together, mostly at Herdershof, but we did go a few walks into the forest and into Epe to do some things together. I haven't seen my parents and brother since they left Holland in July 2015, so about nine months ago. I'm not sure when I'll see them again as I'm still not totally sure what my plans are in September... but more on that later on this year.

Another Move

My parents left on Wednesday morning and on Friday afternoon I moved upstairs. I've spent the last month in one of the guestrooms at Herdershof. However, on Friday one of the staff living upstairs moved out. This young woman is getting married in a few months time and has moved into the apartment ahead of her wedding in June. So on Friday I was given the afternoon off to move all my stuff upstairs into my new room. I'm not totally settled in yet. I keep loosing things, misplacing things or forgetting where I put things. It should take a few days to find my feet upstairs. I'll post a photo or two once my room is looking completely presentable, as its still looking a bit unorganized due to me still finding places for everything. My new room is smaller than the guest room I was in. The guestroom had two bunk beds and a wardrobe, my new room is only wide enough for a single bed and a wardrobe, side by side.

The View From My New Room

In Other News

Things are picking up in the GO Teams office. Applications are still coming in for the different teams that we're sending out in July. Whilst I'm on the topic of base activities I'd like to mention that there's the Open House on 5 May. If you're in the Netherlands you're more than welcome to come for the day. There's more information, details, address, etc, on YWAM Heidebeek's website (http://ywamheidebeek.org/open-huis/). Over the last week we've had two new courses start. The Bible for Life started last week, at the end of March, which is a three month bible course, which the Bible Studies Department is pioneering (the website is http://ywamheidebeek.org/bible-for-life/). The other course that started is the Generations DTS, which began on Saturday. The Generations DTS is mainly for families and married couples, with a few singles joining as well. This DTS is a month shorter than the other DTS's run at Heidebeek, with the outreach being two months rather than three, so that it can fit into the Dutch education system's long summer holiday (website: http://ywamheidebeek.org/generations-dts/). So we've got a sudden flood of new faces and young children. The worship hall was quite empty last week, as the Mercy & Justice DTS were in the middle of their team building and preparations for outreach, but this morning it was packed full with people overflowing into the corridor. It was exciting.