Foundation

Who am I? What defines me as, well, me? Am I secure enough in the opinions of my creator to stand up to what the general public think of me?

As I write this, I can't help but think of my childhood and the years I spent in Uganda. I was so insecure about who I was and what my classmates thought of me. I wanted to be accepted by them, but that never happened because I didn't come from wealth (my parents are missionaries), I didn't have the latest technology, I didn't have a boyfriend, I didn't have any taste in fashion, and the list goes on. It's taken a lot of work grounding myself in the knowledge that God loves me the way I am and that He accepts me the way I am... this doesn't mean I can do whatever I want, and get away with it. I've sinned, I've fallen short of the glory of God, but God sent Jesus, who died on the cross for my sins, so that I can live with God and have a relationship with God through Jesus, because of his death and resurrection. My relationship with my Heavenly Father is something I really enjoy and I started a prayer journal a few months back. I got a folder and some dividers, so I could work through different topics with God, without worrying that I hadn't made that section big enough. I have showed people how the layout works but I'm not so keen on sharing what I've written because most of it is personal, between God and myself. It has really helped because now I have everything together in one place, rather having one note book and loosing things in it. To be honest, its more efficient than a whole host of notebooks.

"Prince of Peace", by Akiane, 2003 (aged 8)

One big thing I've learned over the last few years is that people have different standards of how things should be done, how people should have a relationship with God. All I can say is that what works for one person doesn't work for another person. I can't do structure with my quiet time. I can't force myself into having a set quiet time each day at a certain time. I'd get bored and distracted. However, that might work for you. My quiet times tend to be when I'm sitting with a cup of coffee and I end up discussing my life with God, or when I'm biking somewhere and I see an eagle fly in front of me, and I heard Jesus speaking to me about the eagle. Its varies and its interesting. I do read my bible on a regular basis, and I have a devotional, which I try to read every day. I'm just not a big fan of a fixed quiet time. There have been times when its been in my schedule and I can tell you that I was too distracted to focus, every day for that hour and a half (or however long it was) on having a decent quiet time. Be open to what suits you, and don't let other people force you into conforming to their standards.

During my School of Intercessory Prayer SOIP we had this one lecture about seeing Jesus, and all I can remember of it now (without having to get my notes), is how Jesus appears to different people. One of the stories is about an eight year old, Akiane, who painted the original (of the photo on the right) after meeting Jesus in a dream. Her skill as an artist is incredible.

Until next time

Appearances

We live in an age where appearances make or break. We live on a planet where different cultures dictates what "beauty" is. We live in the age of social media, where appearance is everything. Where the trends change year by year with fashion as sizes get smaller and waistlines thinner (is that the right way of saying it?). Fashion turns up on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter as clothing companies post photographs of super skinny models wearing the latest trends. This causes young people to attempt to be skinny, too, causing a whole host of problems. But I'm not going to look at that in this post. I don't want to start drawing assumptions.

In some countries, being skinny is the most important thing under the sun. On the other hand, I grew up in a country where being called "fat" was the biggest complement you could be given. Okay, that's not the best thing to tell a extremely self-conscious teenager who struggled with her weight for years and hated the word 'fat'; that was me. I've struggled for years with my appearance and my weight as I so desperately wanted to fit into the world around me. I wanted to be accepted by my piers, most (but not all) were were appearance obsessed, yet there are somethings that are impossible to change, like skin, hair and eye colour. Now, I'm ever so grateful with my skin, hair and eye colour. I don't mind being called blonde. I've learned that beauty comes from within. I've met some really beautiful people; people who just radiate beauty from within. Their outer appearance doesn't matter because their inner beauty makes them beautiful on the outside as well. I learned so much from them.

I remember wanted to be skinny to make people like me more. I thought that if I lost weight, and dropped a few sizes, I'd be happy. I'd exercise and I'd loose weight (usually I'd loose a lot of weight). I was happy because I was thinner, but the part of the people liking me didn't always change; I've never had many friends but I'll get to that later. So I'd slip and the weight would go back on. Then the process would start all over again. To be honest, I think I've gone through this process a could of times (at least three) since I was fifteen. Its not nice. Especially when I end up owning a wardrobe that spans a number of sizes. I'm being super honest here, because the only way to make the following statement is by using an example of how things shouldn't be. Happiness and beauty are NOT linked to how you look! YOU are BEAUTIFUL!!! Happiness is a decision that you choose to make. Beauty is believing that you are beautiful, with or without a lay or five of makeup. Yes, its extremely difficult not to look to others for approval, but at the end of the day, the only one to judge you is God. And he loves you no matter what the scales say or what jean size you are.

Today marks the beginning of a new season for me. A season of fitness. I've started running again. Not to get skinny or to make anyone else happy. I'm doing it for me. It's also why I'm writing this post. I'm happy with me, I know I'm beautiful whatever the scales say, because my Heavenly Father says I'm beautiful and I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that He loves me. I know He loves you too!

Flares

Greetings Dear Reader

Its one of those beautiful days here in Holland. The sun's out and has been for the last few days (since the snow on Friday afternoon). I'm so grateful, even though its cold and there's a slight bite when I go outside. There's been a lot of snow over the last few weeks, which has made biking risky (due to black ice and large patches of refrozen snow). Its really weird that we had such warm weather over Christmas (I was leaving my jacket at my sister's apartment when I was with her) and now I'm freezing cold every time I stick my nose outside.

Much to the amusement of my friends, I have a thing with the cold and the snow. Growing up in Africa meant that I never saw snow. Christmas almost always happened over the dry season (there are only two seasons in the tropics, rainy and dry season, which would happen in a cycle of three months per season; they're self explanatory). So being in Europe and having to wrap up during the winter months is still an alien concept to me, even though I've lived in Europe almost two years now. I do miss Uganda when the weather's like this. Given I miss Uganda a lot more than I give on. There's something special about always carrying Uganda with me, its the land I was born in (and its written in my travel documents) and its my unofficial third nationality. I have been questioned on entering different countries as to why I was born in Kampala... but that's a story for another time.

Ita (from the hospitality department), Carl and Bas

GO Teams News

Things have been going really well in the office. We've had some great moments together, like the Mission Market. The idea of the Mission Market is to recruit the Discipleship Training School DTS. The Classic and Football DTS finished last Friday, so we had the Mission Market on Wednesday last. The different departments put up tables with information about what they're all about.

Just to make a point now, the guys I work with, Carl and Bas (in the photo on the right) are full of crazy ideas on making sure people don't forget GO Teams. So we got Buffalo worms and fried them into a taco mix and we also got grasshoppers, and had a bowl of melted chocolate for the brave to try. A lot of the girls were jumped at it and dipped grasshoppers in chocolate, which caused the guys to try it, because they didn't want to to loose face in front of the girls. I think we definitely left our mark on the memories of the DTS students. I'm not sure how many will sign up for the GO Teams, but they'll definitely remember who we are. The crazy department... with the crazy food.

Bas

We've also had a number of applications come in already. If you're interested in doing something for a couple of weeks this summer, why don't you think about joining us on an outreach? Four weeks of your summer holidays, going to another country to serve the Lord by serving those who need it. Why not check out us out by clicking here?

Since The Move

Things have been going really well since I moved. I'm still adjusting to being in a new location but I'm really enjoying being at the Herdershof. It looks like an old Dutch farm house and is on the edge of one of the oldest forests in Holland (from what I've heard). I took myself there yesterday for a walk. I needed the fresh air, and thus took full advantage of the beautifully clear, dry weather that we've had over the last couple of days. I must apolagize about going on about the weather so much, I'm just so happy that its not snowing or raining at the moment. I can't tell you how happy I am that the sun's shining.

Photography

Over the last two years I've been posting a photo a day on this platform called Blipfoto. It's a photographic documentary of the journey of my life, of sorts, over the last two years (well 776 days, to be exact). I'd highly recommend you check out my profile. I've been using my phone camera on the most part, as that's always with me and it always works... if you're into photography, like I am, you want to better your photography skills, or you just want to document your life in photos, I recommend opening an account with Blipfoto. I stumbled across it two years ago and haven't regretting this decision. I have had to deal with a lot of crossfire about it because people don't understand why I must take a photo very day. I don't have to, I want to, its a choice I've made and I really enjoy doing it. Its the legacy that I'm choosing to leave behind, like the multitude of journals that I have got (most of my old ones are in England or Uganda) and my five year memory book (which I just started this year). I guess it all comes down to how we want to be remembered when we die. I don't mean to be such a pessimist about this. If there's something you love doing, that describes who you are, then go for it. Life is too short to be boxed by what others say you can't do. If photography and coffee make me happy then I'll keep at it.

Talking of coffee, its coffee break now, so I'm going to sign off now and post again soon.

Another Random Update

The Sunrise This Morning

Things are going really well over here. We're keeping ourselves busy in the GO Teams office with preparation for the Missions Market that's taking place tomorrow (I'll write more about what we're doing for that after its happened). Its been a lot of fun running about getting things and making a PowerPoint. I've been using Pinterest (which is a bit of a godsend) to scavenge for pictures and quotes for the PowerPoint as Google is a right pain when trying to look for photos and the like.

Not much has happened since I last wrote the last blog. I think I've surprised my new housemates by disappearing for most of the weekend (I'm an introvert so I just need time alone to get energy for the next week). I'm really enjoying my new house. Its really quiet in comparison to Licht in Duuister LID. LID is currently bursting at the seams with two Discipleship Training School DTSs, and their staff, in residence, along with the normal staff who live permanently at LID. My room at Herdershof is also a lot colder than the room I was in LID. Herdershof is quite a large building, and quite chilly. I think that Herdershof was once a farm house, because it looks and feels like an old Dutch house. I'll post some photos with my next blog as the few photos I have on my iPhone don't do the building justice and I don't have a lot of time now to move the photos from my iPhone's camera roll to my computer's hard drive...

Until next time