Looking Back, Looking Forwards

Looking Back

November finishes today. I can't quite believe where the last month has gone. Its been a month of highs and lows, of travel and adventure, of normal life. November's seen a new US president elected into office. At the beginning of the month I went to England for the Prayer Days in Sidcup as well as for Impact Training. The weeks that followed my return has seen me find a rhythm again.

November has also seen me battle with my mental health and my weight. Both weight loss and mental health are too complicated to be written about in short. Some of you know that my battle with depression didn't end when I left boarding school, I've had a number of times when it would surface and I had no one to go to for help. So I battled on my own. After the last episode I promised myself, and my parents a few months later, that if it happened again I'd get help. So I did... I've had help. I also written a number of posts about my weight loss and the importance of maintaining a healthy lifestyle; I know I'll write many more before my time is done, so be warned!

Looking Ahead

I'll share one thing that I've been looking forwards to over the last few months. Now, I've written about my love for Outlander in numerous posts since I watch the first episode of the first season. Another series that I've been hooked on for the better part of this year is a History Channel series (the first of its kind on this particular channel) called Vikings. This series is a historical account based on the that follows the story of a Viking ruler, king and hero, Ragnar Lodbrok. The series starts just before he raids the Monastery at Lindisfarne (situated on the Holy Island of Lindisfarne, off the northeast coast of Eangland) and follows Ragnar's journey as he goes on to become leader and king. The story also branches out to follow the stories of two of his wives, Largertha, the sheildmeiden and Aslaug, a princess who claimed to be daughter of the Valkyrie, Brynhildr. The series also follows the lives of Ragnar's brother, Rollo, and sons (Bjorn Ironside, Ubbe, Hvitserk Snake-in-the-Eye, Sigurd and Ivar The Boneless). I don't want to ruin the series for you, if you haven't seen it... its been something I've been looking forwards to since the end of Season 4 Part 2.

A Spot of Ink

Over the last few weeks I haven't been writing in my journal as much I would like. Things have been quite busy and I haven't had the energy to write down what I've been up to, or how I've been feeling. I think I didn't like the idea of having a sore left hand and wrist. Interesting fact that most people don't know about me or don't realize; I am left handed (and I'm dyslexic; I have written a post about having dyslexia a few years back, click here to read that). I am going to have to sit down, at some point and write a few really long entries (the subject of these entries are between me and my journal). Writing helps me process my life and figure out the way forwards. Writing helps me keep my mind clear from confusion, on the most part. Sometimes I look back at various entries that I've written in one the journals I have with me. I've had to leave journals in England and Uganda and one day plan to have them all in one place, if I ever settle down and a fixed address for more than a few months (having my own place is still a dream I have). Once I get my own home, I'll have to ship my books to wherever I end up living long term as its too expensive to keep shipping my large collection of books and journals as I travel.

On another note, of which I should write about, yesterday afternoon I went to the gym for the first time in a while. I've not gone to the gym because I haven't had the energy to go (over the last few weeks I've been exhausted). I haven't had the willpower to make myself go. I have wanted to go to the gym, but I was able to talk myself out of going, much to my regret, at the moment. Yesterday, when I woke up, I didn't give myself a choice about whether or not I'd be doing any exercise and thus I went after church. I'm glad I did, as I enjoyed myself, but my muscles are complaining loudly every time I move, which is quite rewarding (and painful) as I know that I did good. I am going back this afternoon and I'm looking forwards to it; the muscle pain not so much, but it's worth it. I'm planning to go as often as I can over the next few weeks. Its very important for my mental and physical health that I fix on my sights on going to the gym on a daily basis between now and the new year (with the exception of Christmas Day and Boxing Day; when the gym is closed). It's also going to be my New Year's resolution for 2017 (I'm writing it here now to help keep myself to it). I need to keep pushing on towards a fitter, healthier me.

Thankfulness

The Council Went And Trimmed A Tree On The Nieuwe Kerk Grounds

In the spirit of thanksgiving (I didn't celebrate it yesterday but I love the idea of being thankful for what I have), I thought I'd do what so many others are doing and write about being thankful.

So often we look at what we don't have, the things we want to have and we tell ourselves that we'll be happy if we have that one item... however, once we get that item, the happiness is short lived, as we realize that the happiness and contentment is actually hollow. The item we thought would satisfy the emptiness inside doesn't actually do that, once we've got that item, we put it in the stockpile and set our eyes on the next item. Everyone looks to a different thing or combination of things to fill the emptiness inside when, in truth, Jesus is the only one who can do that. Yes, I do know Jesus as my personal savior and friend, and one of the biggest pieces of wisdom I've received in my life is to be grateful for what I have, instead of looking at what I don't have. I've also been in the process of teaching myself, with help (of course), not to compare myself to those around me (something that's easier said than done, especially when you live in a world where materialism is such a big thing)... and to give thanks for what I do have, rather than complain to anyone who'll listen to me, about what I want to have but don't.

Christmas Decoratios

I have many things to be thankful for. Parents who love me. Amazing siblings. A living relationship with the living God. Enough money to live. Friends around me. An awesome office team, my blog, Blipfoto and the list goes on.

God knows my needs before I do. I'm so grateful that he's been providing for me over the last several years. There are some people who think I'm crazy to be living like this, but to be honest, I can deal with crazy. My whole life has been crazy if you compare it to the lives of my generation who grew up in the west. However I don't do comparisons very well. I'm different, I'm unique, I'm myself and that's all that matters. That's another thing that I'm extremely thankful for that.

I remember one time my parents asked me to write a list of fifty things I was thankful for. I don't have that list anymore but as I worked down that list, I remember coming up with a hundred items rather than fifty. That's when I realized that I should be grateful more... its a choice and I've chosen to be grateful for life and all I have.

A Quick One

The Sunrise Yesterday

The days have been getting noticeably shorter. Its been getting light after I walk out the door in the morning... a few months ago, it was light long before I got out of bed. A not so noticeable change is that the temperature has dropped into the single didgets but feels like its stabilizing at a temperature where its too still too warm for snow, but cold enough for a jacket and warm shoes. I've decided that I would like to see a good amount of snow this year, which means that the temperature needs to drop about six or seven degrees before there's any chance that'll happen. I am praying for this!

Its been very windy over the last few days. I haven't enjoyed this because I've wanted to bike to work more but because of the strong winds, which makes biking very dangerous. I don't want to get pushed into the path of a bus or a tram because by the wind.

Office work is going well. I've been sorting out the social media aspect now that the Sunday School material has been downloaded. This basically means organizing who's in charge of posting something from the different events through to the social media platforms that belong to the church (Twitter, Facebook and Instagram). I started an excel spreadsheet a few weeks ago but it was a bit obsolete so I had to do something with Google Calendar and then update the spreadsheet. It's all very interesting but rather fiddly... thankfully the windows software I have to work with is quite straightforwards. I haven't used my computer in ages as its still not working properly.

Random Splurge

Blip for November 20th, 2016

Youth Group
Last night, the youth group met in the church office (it was second meeting of the month since we meet every two weeks; so roughly twice a month). We had a meal together, played a game and one of the elders shared about the importance of being involved in a church. I'm really enjoying being a part of this youth group and being able to help Rhodé and the other leaders out. Whenever I think of the teenagers, I have to think about how important this age group is and how they're all forming their ideas on life and where they stand in their relationship with God. By being a part of their journeys I can at least be able to point them in the right direction. To be totally honest, working with the youth group is one of the highlights of my internship. I'm really grateful for the relationships I've been able to build in the group.

Visitors
In about three weeks, two very important people will be coming to the Netherlands for a visit. These two people are my brother and my father. They're going to be here for two weeks and I'm really looking forwards to being able to spend some time with them, even though my brother's most likely going to be working over that period. Its an incredible answer to prayer because I still haven't decided what I'm going to do over Christmas and New Year's, so having them come and visit is an early Christmas and birthday present (for those of you who don't know, my birthday's a few days before Christmas, though I won't tell you when exactly [if you know, I'd ask you not to mention it]). I still haven't decided what I'm going to do for these holidays (I've still got a few weeks to decide; though there is a chance I don't do anything for the time I'm off), but at least I'll have seen my dad and my brother (I do wish I was seeing my mum and my sister too, but we don't always get everything we want).

Blipfoto for November 17th, 2016

Projects
I'm still working on my embroideries. These two are completed and were the ones I've spent the last nine months or so working on. I had hoped to get them done earlier but I either haven't been bothered or I didn't have the time. I've started on the next one (which I haven't added here, but do head over to my Blipfoto Journal, the extra photo for 17 November 2016 is the beginning of the next cross stitch).

I'm also still doing Some Lines A Day; for those of you who don't know what this is, every day I write a few lines about that day. The idea is that each book has the space to do this for five years. So by the end of the five years (31 December 2020), I'll be able to see what I've been doing on a particular day over the span of five years. Its quite a commitment as I have to write something down each day. At the moment, I've been writing a summery of the day on my iPhone and then when I've got time, I'll copy it over into the book, which is definitely a job for a rainy day. I'm really enjoying it, like the habit of taking a photo every day and uploading that onto Blipfoto, which I'm still doing. In January 2017, I'll have taken a photo every day for three years (its been quite a commitment; if you want to read more about my thoughts on Blipfoto, click here).

Blipfoto for November 21st, 2016

Office Work
I've spent most of this morning finishing off downloading the Sunday School material. I've downloaded slightly more than I needed to, just to give myself some breathing space the next time I need to download the material. Its a slow process because I need download the material from the website, and then sort it out, before uploading it onto the server so that the teachers can access it. I then have to delete the folders I was using to sort out the material before moving it to the server. I'm glad that its about as down as it will be for the next few weeks.

Reunion
Something interesting came up the other week. It looks like there may well be a reunion for my Discipleship Training School DTS at some point during the spring or early summer of next year (now by this, I mean the DTS I was a trainee on, between September 2012 and March 2013... the DTS that took me on outreach to Brazil). I don't know when exactly the reunion is going to be. The dates are still being organised to suit as many of the group as possible. Its going to be weird seeing the people who had a big influence on me; though most of whom I haven't seen in about four years (by the time the reunion takes place it'll be four years since my DTS ended). I'm looking forwards to seeing where everyone is in their lives now. I've kept in contact with a few people from my outreach team and from the school, but it'll definitely be super strange seeing everyone after so many years. I'll be sure to plan a post in about how it goes, along with photos... so keep an eye out for that during the next eight months or so (as I said, the date still hasn't been picked so it could be any time between April and June 2017).

News

Right, I don't know what to write about. I've rewritten, restarted, this post three times now. I don't know what you want to read about, I don't know what you want to hear about. I find writing about my life quite hard to do now that I live in Europe. My life in Uganda was far more interesting than it is these days.

Nothing much changes from week to week, so my posts tend to look very much like the previous posts I've written. Writing about the weather isn't a whole lot of fun either. I also don't see the point writing about what I think of US presidential elections (despite the face that I didn't get whole lot of sleep over November 8; thanks to the uncertainty of who'd win) or some other topics along the lines of politics. I'm no politician. I also don't think you'll be interested in reading any of the conspiracies I believe are true.

I've been wanting to write about other stuff, but for some reason I end up writing about topics that get me into trouble with some of my readers. I know that if I didn't have an audience to write for I'd still write here. I have thought about starting a YouTube channel to document my life in a different way. However, when my computer stopped working six weeks ago (or there about), I got a very clear answer to that (as I want to use my own computer to edit my footage). Maybe once I get my computer sorted out I can the software, but at the moment that's not happening.

Internship
The internship is still going well. I've been busy downloading the Sunday School material, as well as organizing the accommodation for the Connect Conference in Sidcup that starts today. I'm not going but I've spent the last few months working on making sure that there's accommodation available for those who want it. I've also sorting accommodation out for the Academy trip to England in January.

Yesterday we went to Josh's new house. Josh is one of my colleagues. As an office team we helped laying the flooring down in his new place. It was a good deal of fun but I ended up scratching up my hands. The crazy thing is that Josh lives in the village I lived in when my family and I lived here in the Netherlands ten years ago. The whole place has changed so much since I left. I have a funny feeling that the two houses we lived in have been knocked down and are being rebuilt as new houses. In a way I'm grateful that the houses aren't there because of the memories. I would add some photos but my iPad isn't letting me add or edit photos to my posts, thankfully the first photo of this post is in place. Anyway, I'll write again next week, with hopefully something more interesting than today's post.

Radical :: Tea

What's Left Of My Stash of Green Tea In The Office

I'm writing this post whilst I'm waiting for some Sunday School material to upload to the NAS (in other words, the file server). Its a slow process and can get quite frustrating. So I tend to try to keep myself distracted with various things, like quickly updating my Blipfoto Journal... yes, I'm still doing that on a daily basis (and I used the same photo as I did here).

There's some small changes that I've made over the last months. The changes aren't drastic, so no worries on that front. I've written about my love of coffee over the last few months. I still love coffee and I doubt that'll change any time soon. However, I've been struggling falling asleep at night for a while now. Its not because of I haven't been tired, I've been roling into bed exhausted but unable to sleep because my brain is on overdrive. Before I can rule out an overactive mind, I wanted to rule out my caffeine intake, or at least reduce it to a point that the probability that my sleep problems aren't still hanging around because of my love for coffee.

So, my plan of attack, over the next period of time, is that reduce my coffee intake to the point where I'm only drinking a cup first thing in the morning before I leave for the office. This step is to prevent a caffeine induced headache from hitting me at some point during the rest of the day. This type of headache is nasty. After I get to the office, I resort to drinking strong English tea with a little bit milk, or its green tea. I know there's caffeine in normal tea but not nearly caffeine as in coffee. I do miss drinking as much coffee as I did a while ago, but to be honest, I'd rather get enough sleep at night to functionally normally. I'm one of those humans who happen to need more sleep than the average person. This is down to the fact my brain takes forever shutting down at night, thanks to being overactive (the base reason I need so much sleep), and as you expected caffeine has a negative effect on my brain when I want to sleep... so, for the moment, I'd rather give up my coffee for the sake of my health. I do really enjoy drinking tea. Its got a different taste to it than coffee does... its taken a while getting used to the smell of tea. For some reason, I haven't liked the smell of wet tea leaves. I still don't, which is why I don't use loose leaf tea.

Now you're probably wondering why I'm writing this, why I'm sharing this with you. I've written about coffee a number of times in the past, but I've never written about what I think about my tea intake and what I think of tea. Its part of my journey to become a new and more radical person. My coffee intake, my exercise, what I eat. Its all part of becoming the person God wants me to be.

Trailblazers

Saturday Morning's Sunrise

One of the aspects of my internship is working with one of the Sunday school groups... the oldest group that meets on Sunday mornings during the service is called Trailblazers. Trailblazers is for the 9-11 year olds and is made up of a varying group of youngsters, from a varied assortment of backgrounds. Most of these kids speak English or Dutch with a few speaking both languages. Yesterday was my second time on the job, so to say, and I really enjoyed it. I'm glad that I can help out with Trailblazers, like I enjoy helping out with the youth group and the various projects that fall under the rather broad title called admin.

Well, yesterday I arrived early at church as I was able to get a lift into The Hague Den Haag (which saved me biking in or taking the bus), so I was able to help with the registration form for the group. At Redeemer, we have a registration process that looks like this: the parents will come in with their kids and will sign their kids in with whichever group their kids belong to. For the younger groups the parents will be given a card with their child's name on it... most of the groups will leave the service after a few worship songs and after the service the parents collect their children by handing this card in to one of the kids workers. Trailblazers' staff don't use the card; the parents will sign their kids in and then once the service is done, the kids are returned to the crypt, where their parents are enjoying tea, coffee and conversation.

Because we have a mix of English and Dutch speaking children, we do aim to translate the material either from English to Dutch or the other way around. So this last Sunday, I had the pleasure of translating from Dutch into English. I've translated for people before, though usually its been one-on-one translation... so this was the first time I've translated for such a large group of young people. I really enjoyed it. We were looking at the story of Jacob, when Jacob fought with God and God changed his name to Israel so at the end, the kids had a lot of fun founding out what their names mean. Some of them had no idea what their names mean, whilst others do.

Well, I gotta go but I'll write again later this week.

Greenwich

The entrance to Greenwich Market

I got back from England yesterday afternoon after a great week away. I flew over to England with a few other people from the office on Tuesday 2 November. There was a conference at one of our sister churches in Sidcup, England. So  A number of various churches came together to pray for a number of church plants that are being planned for the up coming season. We didn't end up praying for the better part of two days, we spent a lot of time worshiping God (the feeling or expression of reverence and adoration for a deity). I really enjoyed spending those two days being able to focus on God like that.

The rest of the group I came with returned back to Nederland the in afternoon of Thursday 3 November. I stayed on in England for another week due to having an Impact Training Block that started on Monday 7 November. I didn't want to to have two lots of journeys to and from the UK so close together. So between the end of the Prayer Days and the start of Impact, I spent the weekend with my cousin, Amanda, and her little family. I really enjoyed being able to spend time with her and her boyfriend, Jason, and her son, Taylor (and their two beautiful cats). On Sunday afternoon we went to Greenwich. Greenwich is usually known by the term Greenwich Mean Time GMT. Its a town on the River Thames, just across the water from London city centre and is the home of the Royal Naval Academy and the Royal Observatory. You'll also find the ship, the Cutty Sark, there. We went to the Greenwich Market, which is a lot like the market at Convent Garden... if you haven't been there its a collection of stalls in a small square. Its a lot of fun to visit.

The Great City of London is On The Other Bank

On Monday Amanda dropped me off at Broadstone Warren for the November Impact training. We had so much fun together... as well as having some testimonies and talks on the New Testament Book of Romans. We also had a lot of fun in our free time. The US election caused quite a stir (and very little sleep for some of us).

I had a bit of a revelation on the train home yesterday. When I decided to do Impact I kinda wanted to get it done with as fast as possible and then move back to England. I've wanted to go back to English since I moved to Holland in July 2015. However God has kept me here, but its been the last two months when changes have started taking place in my heat. I've come to the realization that The Hague Den Haag and where I live at the moment have become my home. The previous times I've flown to England it was a real struggle coming back to the Netherlands, however this time I was actually looking forwards to returning. Yes, I was sad I was leaving England but at the same time I was glad to be returning to my fatherland. I've come to see this country as home more over the last two months than in the year running up to my move to The Hague Den Haag. There are a multitude of reasons behind why its taken so long but its mainly been a heart issue. I wasn't in the right place before... and I know I wouldn't have been able to say that if God asked me to stay in the Netherlands for a few years, I'd have been able to do that. If I'd known I'd be in the Netherlands two years after I arrived, I probably wouldn't have come. So its a good think that I didn't know how long I'd be here for. To be honest, its a good thing I still don't that.

Words of Power & Distruction

Over the last few months, since I've moved to the city I've written posts that have been the spark that have burned the house down, so to say. People have been relatively shocked by what I written and what I've written as descriptions for my blogs on Facebook. One thing that I've struggled understanding is why people I don't really know, and don't really know me, seem to think that I'm accountable to them, and will call me out. I actually find this really annoying and to some degree, quite insulting. I'm going to just explain something that not everyone gets. I'm a very private person, but I'm also very talkative. There are things that I don't tell anyone, things that I'll never tell anyone about... and there are also things that I'll only tell people I trust completely and totally. These people have the right to talk into my life about my blind spots and about what I post... I'm not saying that I don't listen to what random people I don't really know, or trust, say to me about various topics, I just bounce what's been said to me past my trusted sources to see what they make of it.

On the topic of me being talkative, I'm an introvert (shock and horror, yes), but I know I can a bit of a chatterbox at time. If my brain is totally working and I'm hanging out with someone who I've clicked with, we'll talk for hours. The normal length for a call on Skype with my best friends usually last a minimum of two hours, and is usually brought to an end because one of us has to leave for work or another appointment (or bed). When I lived in Uganda, sleepovers with one of my closest friends would result in about two or three hours sleep and six or seven hours or nonstop talking. However, the introvert side of me does mean that I'm not the type to go to parties because I'm socially awkward and I struggle knowing what questions are "safe" to ask. I also need time alone to think and process what's happening in the world around me. I'm also a thinker. I think about everything that happens, and I tend to analyse everything that happens. I recharge alone and if I don't get a decent amount of time to recharge I really struggle not becoming short tempered with those around me. Its something I can't help, as its a part of who I am, like being very private about some topics. I'm trying to figure out how to write down how I feel about this, without causing too big a tidal wave.

I've been told that I've built a wall around myself to protect me from hurt. If that were the case I wouldn't be writing my thoughts down here. I'd keep it all to the pages of my various journals. However, this is my way to help you understand how my brain works and even though you might think I get defensive on various topics, the idea isn't to build a wall between you and me, it's also not because I've been hurt and I'm acting out of pain. I just don't appreciate people thinking they've got the right to let me know what they think on various things I've written about or said. I just don't appreciate being "attacked" about what I'm said, because they don't agree with what I've read, by people I don't know... no matter what I say, people still do it. Every time I write a post I wonder what the reaction will be, especially on the fire starting topics, like this one. Though I would prefer being contacted privately via social media or email, rather than having an open discussion in the comments section of the link post on Facebook.

I hope you understand where I'm coming from.