Writer's Block; It's Still Here

Here's another one of those posts where I just want to let you in on a little secret, which you might have gathered from the title. I'm still suffering with writer's block. Over the last few months it's taken a toll on my journaling as well as my poetry and my posts. I don't know what to write about and even the suggestions people have been giving me haven't helped. These suggestions have actually had a counter effect than intended as they've just made the writer's block worse. I am grateful that people have wanted to help me by making these kind suggestions.

The biggest issue causing the writer's block is the fact that I want to be original with my writing. I want to write an original story. I want to write something that hadn't already been written about. I don't want to 'borrow' plot outlines from various different writers who's work I love. In a way, I've wondered if my writing has been effected by the fact I'm not really reading any more. I do have the time to read but not the mental energy to keep up with the plot outline of the two books I'm currently trying to read. Even though I am struggling to pick these books up, on the rare occasions I do, I really enjoy reading them. Another issue I've been struggling with, in regards to the writer's block, is that any stories I've thought about writing haven't been able to hold their own on paper. What people don't know about my writing, is that the stories speak through my fingers. I type what I see in my mind's eye and often ninety nine percent of the stories don't get further than a few sentences because I can't see far enough into the story to write it down in a sound manner. I want to be able to write with honour, without feeling forced. I want to give my characters a voice (If I can't hear them, I can't write), and since they speak through my imagination, I want to do my imagination justice. So maybe its my imagination that's currently got issues.

Maybe if I wrote this slightly differently,  it'll be easier to grasp what I mean with the type of writer's block I have. Years ago, I used to write because I loved to write. My imagination was vivid and colourful. But now, I feel like I'm sitting on a windowsill, like Ash in the photo on the right, unable to clearly see through the glass. I should point out now, the window is partially open so I can hear what's coming through the window. On the other side of the glass is a multitude of stories waiting to be written, but I can't see them properly because of the gauze that's covering the glass. I can't lift it, so I'm waiting for it to lift so I can write what I see. I've tried to write what I've heard and again it didn't get far because I couldn't see clearly. All I can do is wait until the gauze is lifted and I can go back to writing from my imagination like I used to do when I was in my teens.

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Job Hunting

A lot has happened since I last posted here. I've given out my CV twice since I got back from NewDay, had a job interview and a trial, but am still without a job as I write this. The job interview and the trial were at a lovely little cafe in Crawley, but it came to nothing, sadly. I haven't given up hope that I'll find a job and soon. In my heart, I'm hoping and praying I get a job before the end of August, even though I've got ten days before the month's end (and this next weekend is a bank holiday weekend, so a lot of shops aren't open as long next Monday as they normally are). This disappointment has really forced me to trust in God's guidance in my life more than before. Its hard, but I know that He's got the right job for me and I'm trusting I'll find it soon. I'm not going to sit on my hands and wait for the job to fall into my lap. I know that I have to actively look for it. I'm going to the job agency and I'm also going to keep my eyes peeled to see if there's any signs in the shops of Crawley.

A pretty big answer to prayer happened a few weeks back. A few years ago the camera I took with me on my Discipleship Training School DTS outreach to Brazil stopped working properly. I did get a cheap camera last year but it wasn't good quality and didn't last. I'd talked quite a bit with Andy about wanting to get into photography again, but having to use my iPhone 6s camera as I couldn't afford a camera. Then during NewDay Andy and I were walking through the campsite, Andy told me he'd bought me a camera. A Panasonic Lumix DMC-G1. I was thrilled! Its so nice to have a good camera in my hands again. The Lumix DMC-G1 has the automatic photo mode, but it can also be used as a DSLR, the mode where you can adjust different elements, like the exposure and the lighting. It's the type of camera where you can buy different types of lenses for it. At the moment I only have one lens, the standard one that goes general shots. Both the photos in this post were taken with the Lumix.

Until the next time!

Ash The Unusual

Hello again.

Its been a while. Over a month in fact. I haven't known what to write and I still don't. So I'm going to write about a cat named Ash. Ash is black with a bit of white on his chest. He is one of the most unusual cats I've met. When I first met Ash, in June, it took him the better part of five days before he decided to accept me as part of his family, even with some bribery (food). When I moved in, about three weeks ago (four on Friday). It took him another week or so to get used to me all over again. Now, he's demanding his tea by headbutting my shins and knees, as well as putting his front paws on my legs and digging his claws into my legs. Technically he's got to wait a few hours until he can eat, but for him, it's still worth the try. As I'm writing this, he's sitting in the living room, hoping to catch Andy out and beg him for food. Yes, Ash is Andy's cat. The photo here, I just took of Ash, before he went on the prowl again to find someone who'll be kind. He was sitting near his empty food bowl and hoping I'd be nice and feed him.

Since I moved to England, I've been living with Andy's mum and stepdad, whilst I've been writing my CV and job hunting. Andy only just finished impact (this last Sunday) and I'll be moving somewhere else when somewhere else opens up. I would rent an apartment but I'm not that keen on spending £500, minimum, on rent a month... which would roughly be half of my wages. I don't want to use so much of my wages on somewhere to stay. Thankfully, there are a few options on the table for me to choose from... and you'll hear once I've chosen. 

Between 31 July and 6 August, Newday 2017 took place. It was a big learning curve for me. For the first time, I wasn't a delegate. I was one of the leaders with Redeemer's youth group. I really enjoyed being able to have a good closing off week with the teens I've been working with for the last nine months or so, during my internship. On the one hand, the talks were incredible, though things had changed a lot since Newday 2012, when I last went and I really enjoyed it. On the other hand, I found it rather challenging having to block out the thoughts about the future and stay focused on the teenagers (as well as keeping track on where they were in the meetings, which isn't an easy feat in a tent that has about seven thousand other people in it). Its been a bit distracting having lot of the thoughts swirling through my head have been to do with what I'm going to be doing when Newday was done, job wise. I've heard that its really easy finding a job in Crawley (if you don't know where Crawley is, use Google Maps). As I said, I've got options and you'll hear about what I'll decided to do soon enough.

Given you may have already noticed... I haven't written on here in about a month and I'm probably going to keep it this way for the foreseeable future. I don't have anything that I'm interested in, at present, that I could write a long post about that you would want to read about (specifically, books, coffee and photography). So my posts are going to be spontaneous and sporadic. I'll keep posting the post links to Facebook to let you know when a post has been written... or you could hit the subscribe button to be notified without having to wait for me to post on Facebook. Your choice.

Anyway, until the next time, whenever that'll be.